Possibly, I should mention I've been recapping HBO's
Game of Thrones for
Nerdspan each week. It's a blast, and I'm here to help you get ready for tonight's episode by sharing the latest.
Please note:
BEWARE OF SPOILERS. NO, SERIOUSLY, I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. THIS IS A RECAP, ERGO SPOILERVILLE. Ahem. Now that that's done, behold!
Game of Thrones 3.4: And Now You Just Got Burninated |
In about 60 seconds, Daenerys gets to say BURNINATE! Except in High Valyrian, so it sounds all classy. |
Here's everything you need to know about "And Now His Watch is Ended," the fourth episode of
HBO's Game of Thrones third season: it features shocking betrayals, stunning badassery, and more "oh snap!" moments than you can shake a stick at. This episode will either leave you feeling like you need a shower stat, or a pair of expensive shades and a theme song with which to slow-mo walk out of frame.
KING'S LANDINGTyrion is understandably still paranoid about his sister trying to have him assassinated during the Battle of the Blackwater, and is very keen to have a private conversation with Varys over how he can acquire proof that Cersei ordered the hit... along with enough influence to have his revenge. Varys is just as keen to tell Tyrion the story of how he lost his junk, as we all groan along with the youngest Lannister and wonder how it's relevant. So Varys tells a very disgusting story about being enslaved to a sorcerer who fed his genitals to a blue flame and spoke to a disembodied voice, and how that experience drove him to become the eunuch of influence he is today. The pièce de résistance in that horror show is the crate Varys has been industriously prying open the whole while: inside is the mutilated, cowering sorcerer himself. The moral of this story is: revenge can happen if you believe!
Meanwhile, King's Landing is one of the deepest dens of iniquity and intrigue you're likely to find on Westeros, and the hottest piece of gossip is Podrick Payne's dick. I'm not kidding. In fact, I'm rather stunned Varys cares, although I am pleased that he asked the most pertinent follow-up: how DOES Littlefinger feel about the loss of revenue? Because that sorta blew my mind. (Turns out Baelish is way too distracted about the next phase of his AMASS ALL THE POWER! plan to care.) Right, so Roz is living up to her new role of superspy and informs Varys that it seems Lord Baelish is planning to take Sansa Stark with him when he leaves for the Aerie. Varys isn't interested in losing Sansa as a pawn, especially if it means that Littlefinger gains more power and gets his lech on. Varys takes himself off to the hilariously coarse and disdainful Olenna Tyrell to plant the idea that Highgarden set its tendrils to entangling Winterfell instead. (The Queen of Thorns can bitch about pretty flower sigils being weak and "growing strong" being a crappy motto all she wants - she knows how roses get ANYWHERE.) Margaery's only too happy to float the idea to Sansa that they might be sisters if she only marries Loras -- since this puts Sansa right back on track with her Happily Ever After Prince Fantasy #1, she's not going to balk.
In and around all this intrigue, Olenna Tyrell has a politely vicious conversation with Cersei about the foolishness of young men and how darn mortal they are as the two wander around the truly impressive Sept of Baelor. Margaery lets Joffrey show her gruesome relics, and plays him with a deft hand-- she manages to stroke his ego, and manipulate the common people into associating Joffrey with her goodness. Clever, clever Highgarden girls. (See? Roses get EVERYWHERE.)
[Follow the link over to Nerdspan for the rest of the recap!]Here's a handy series of links to the previous installments:3.3: In Which Things Get Really Out of Hand3.2: The Stark and Lannister Show3.1: All Men Just Got Served