Game of Thrones 3.5: Kissed by Censored
May. 5th, 2013 05:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
talkstowolvesPlease note: BEWARE OF SPOILERS. NO, SERIOUSLY, I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. THIS IS A RECAP, ERGO SPOILERVILLE.
"Kissed by Fire." Is it a fanciful description of a hair color? A more literal description of a certain fight to the death? Or merely the title of the fifth episode of HBO's Game of Thrones' third season? Okay, fine, yes. It's all three, you fancy recap-readers. Step this way, and relive every breathless moment of bloody drama and daring innuendo.
KING'S LANDING
Tyrion has a rather unpleasant snack date with Olenna Tyrell: you can tell it's unpleasant, because there is no Cheese Boy and Pod is sent scurrying for prunes. (Or were they figs? Anyway, thorny biddy only eats one and leaves. There's that Tyrell frugality!) Tyrion tries to encourage Highgarden to donate money for the Crazy Opulent Royal Wedding Fund, mentioning the expenses of war which are so over a lady's head and surely nothing the Queen of Thorns has memorized... except then she schools him in exactly what Highgarden's provided, free of charge (well, very cheaply, just one slightly damaged highborn lady betrothed to the future king! such a bargain!). Tyrion's left feeling all foolish, but she promises the Tyrells will pay for half the wedding anyway. Backhand score for the new Master of Coin!
Elsewhere, Cersei lurks about the place in order to grab a private word with Littlefinger-- she's not so cocky now that daddy's on the scene, so no more playfully surrounding him with drawn swords and debating the definition of power with him. Cersei Lannister wants information on what the Tyrells are up to, and Baelish goes along with it for intel is valuable. Of course, in true Littlefinger fashion, he makes his move by sending a whore to gleam details from pillowtalk. It's a manwhore this time, though. Lord Baelish is nothing if not progressive. Cut to Sansa and Margaery, cheerfully watching Sansa's secretly-betrothed Loras spar with weapons on a beautiful afternoon. It's too bad that Loras himself is cleverly planning to spar with his lance-caddie a little later. Oh, Sansa. Your Happily Ever After Prince Fantasy #1 is playing hard for the other team.
Loras Tyrell is a chatty lover, and the lance-caddie/manwhore is reporting back to to Littlefinger soon enough. Baelish processes the information and then tracks down Sansa Stark to feel her out, possibly astonished and a little bit proud that his baby is finally playing the Game of Thrones and DISSEMBLING TO HIS FACE. He's still going to win against her, but Baelish's heart swelled three times that day. (Or something else did, anyway. Lecherous jerk.)
Meanwhile, Tywin has called a Lannister Family Meeting. These things never end well. Tyrion struts in rather proud of saving the kingdom a tidy sum in the matter of the wedding, but Tywin is all "whatevs, no one cares about your job" and "we have actual important matters to discuss." (Apparently Tywin needs a history lesson on the Iron Bank of Braavos.) Hand of the King Tywin then hands out unwanted marriages like candy and his children try not to freak out. Tyrion protests his match because he knows he's the worst to be inflicted on poor, unsuspecting Sansa (who dreams of a tall and handsome knight); Cersei slaps back against hers because she never wants to be subjected to a man against her will again (even if it IS to a pretty boy with no interest in her bed). Misery all around! That's Tywin Lannister's way.
[Follow the link over to Nerdspan for the rest of the recap!]
Here's a handy series of links to the previous installments:
3.4: And Now You Just Got Burninated
3.3: In Which Things Get Really Out of Hand
3.2: The Stark and Lannister Show
3.1: All Men Just Got Served
 |
Robb's the King of Wishful Thinking. |
"Kissed by Fire." Is it a fanciful description of a hair color? A more literal description of a certain fight to the death? Or merely the title of the fifth episode of HBO's Game of Thrones' third season? Okay, fine, yes. It's all three, you fancy recap-readers. Step this way, and relive every breathless moment of bloody drama and daring innuendo.
KING'S LANDING
Tyrion has a rather unpleasant snack date with Olenna Tyrell: you can tell it's unpleasant, because there is no Cheese Boy and Pod is sent scurrying for prunes. (Or were they figs? Anyway, thorny biddy only eats one and leaves. There's that Tyrell frugality!) Tyrion tries to encourage Highgarden to donate money for the Crazy Opulent Royal Wedding Fund, mentioning the expenses of war which are so over a lady's head and surely nothing the Queen of Thorns has memorized... except then she schools him in exactly what Highgarden's provided, free of charge (well, very cheaply, just one slightly damaged highborn lady betrothed to the future king! such a bargain!). Tyrion's left feeling all foolish, but she promises the Tyrells will pay for half the wedding anyway. Backhand score for the new Master of Coin!
Elsewhere, Cersei lurks about the place in order to grab a private word with Littlefinger-- she's not so cocky now that daddy's on the scene, so no more playfully surrounding him with drawn swords and debating the definition of power with him. Cersei Lannister wants information on what the Tyrells are up to, and Baelish goes along with it for intel is valuable. Of course, in true Littlefinger fashion, he makes his move by sending a whore to gleam details from pillowtalk. It's a manwhore this time, though. Lord Baelish is nothing if not progressive. Cut to Sansa and Margaery, cheerfully watching Sansa's secretly-betrothed Loras spar with weapons on a beautiful afternoon. It's too bad that Loras himself is cleverly planning to spar with his lance-caddie a little later. Oh, Sansa. Your Happily Ever After Prince Fantasy #1 is playing hard for the other team.
Loras Tyrell is a chatty lover, and the lance-caddie/manwhore is reporting back to to Littlefinger soon enough. Baelish processes the information and then tracks down Sansa Stark to feel her out, possibly astonished and a little bit proud that his baby is finally playing the Game of Thrones and DISSEMBLING TO HIS FACE. He's still going to win against her, but Baelish's heart swelled three times that day. (Or something else did, anyway. Lecherous jerk.)
Meanwhile, Tywin has called a Lannister Family Meeting. These things never end well. Tyrion struts in rather proud of saving the kingdom a tidy sum in the matter of the wedding, but Tywin is all "whatevs, no one cares about your job" and "we have actual important matters to discuss." (Apparently Tywin needs a history lesson on the Iron Bank of Braavos.) Hand of the King Tywin then hands out unwanted marriages like candy and his children try not to freak out. Tyrion protests his match because he knows he's the worst to be inflicted on poor, unsuspecting Sansa (who dreams of a tall and handsome knight); Cersei slaps back against hers because she never wants to be subjected to a man against her will again (even if it IS to a pretty boy with no interest in her bed). Misery all around! That's Tywin Lannister's way.
[Follow the link over to Nerdspan for the rest of the recap!]
Here's a handy series of links to the previous installments:
3.4: And Now You Just Got Burninated
3.3: In Which Things Get Really Out of Hand
3.2: The Stark and Lannister Show
3.1: All Men Just Got Served