She talks to wolves...

Today, all my students failed my Macbeth test. I was wroth. I carefully explained to them the uses of deductive reasoning and how it could have been applied to the Matching section. I detailed how nearly all of the Multiple Choice and Short Answer questions were pulled directly from their study guides (which came directly from their quizzes) and that their Quotes and Essay questions were exactly what was on the study guide. By turns calmly explanatory and fountaining with frustrated wrath, I shook sheaves of papers at them and told them that I reward those who show me they are TRYING and take no pity on those who don't even write a single word down.

Later, my 9th graders actually inspired me to yell at them. I've raised my voice with them plenty of times: in fact, I raise my voice at them every day. It's necessary because they're hardly better than a room full of howler monkies. And yet I had never yelled at them before today. Demerits all around and my blood boiled so hotly that I actually had to leave the room for a few minutes.

A girl who was expelled and readmitted (but really should have stayed expelled) repaid our kindness by skipping out of her last period today. This is on top of not yet doing any of the work around the school that was supposed to make up for her violent outburst from before the Xmas break.

After school today, we were visited by the Friendly Power Man serving us with a disconnect notice because no one had bothered to pay the power bill in a while. This sent me careening back over the edge of anger at my employers. Money management, people!

It's a comfort to know that at least the English class and the History class at the Crossroads School are real. Everything else is, well...

but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

Thanks, Bill. I needed that.

( For the curious, here's the test that none of my 10th graders managed to pass. )

As I grade the first quizzes from my 11th grade class, the following sentiment creeps to mind:

"O, America, I weep for you!"

Please, dear readers, allow me to share with you exactly what this first quiz entailed: on the second day of classes, we continued to talk about American folklore. I proceeded in somewhat of a lecture/Q&A format, telling them stories about different American folk heroes and letting them talk back and forth about them. I also told them at the beginning of class that there'd be a quiz at the end. We talked for about 25 minutes on the various folktales, then I gave them a quiz composed thusly:

American Folklore Quiz #1

Name: _______________________________________________________________

Please correctly identify the following by putting the appropriate letter in the blank before the correct number.

A. Paul Bunyan
B. Davy Crockett
C. Jersey Devil
D. Pecos Bill
E. Johnny Appleseed
F. Slue-Foot Sue
G. John Henry
H. Mike Fink
I. Emperor Norton I
J. Casey Jones

___ 1. I’ve been described as “half horse and half alligator.”
___ 2. In the War of 1812, I walked the forest and warned settlers of impending attacks.
___ 3. I had to be shot after my wedding due to a “wardrobe malfunction.”
___ 4. I ruled America from 1859 to 1880, during which I abolished the Democratic and Republican parties.
___ 5. I once jump-started the frozen sun and, later, married Sally Ann Thunder Ann Whirlwind.
___ 6. I wielded a 14-pound hammer and no one could match how fast I could go.
___ 7. I was born a normal child, but my demonic nature soon emerged.
___ 8. I failed as a train-driver, going too fast and fatally crashing into fame.
___ 9. I dug Lake Michigan as a watering hole and had a friend as big as me.
___ 10. My favorite companion was Widow-maker, though he cost me my bride.

Summarize one of the stories we discussed in class either today or yesterday. Use the back of this page as necessary.

Everything on this quiz, we talked about in class just before I gave it to them. Each of the matching questions counted as 9 points each and the summary counted as 10 points.

Do you think anyone got a perfect score?

... ... ... I admit, I kinda expected someone would. Here are the scores I actually got, though:

82, 56, 64, 64, 73, 64, 82, 86, 41

Yes. Most of the summaries were alright, though most had several grammatical errors. And then a couple of them looked like this:

"Johnt apple sead he plants apple seads and told on the indians attark"

and

"Davy Crockett was afruteir man and he killed a bear and sow tthe son was frozin so he beted it with the bear and then he kick start it took some of it's shine with him."

To be fair, I think the first child may be one of my special needs students and I just haven't gotten the memo yet. And I was aware that the second child spelled on about a 4th grade level, but not about how atrocious his grammar is.

But, dude, 11th graders. As Jamelle says, this makes the baby Jesus cry.